10 Reasons to Ask for What You Want in Bed

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By Jade A. Waters, author of THE ASSIGNMENT

We’ve heard it time and again—Ask for what you want. In work. At home. In life. Yet, many still hesitate to voice their wants in the one place where doing so can yield some super sexy results…


In The Assignment, Maya and Dean explore a D/s dynamic that’s fairly new to both of them. While they work out the kinks (heh) in their budding relationship, one thing holds true—neither of them has an issue speaking their desires. I wanted this concept prominent because I believe it’s an empowering quality, for everyone, in real life. I’m no sexpert, but here are my ten reasons why.

The Top Ten Reasons for Speaking Your Mind in Bed

  1. Let’s start with the obvious—pleasure.


  1. Saying what you want is a turn-on for all involved.

In The Assignment, Dean says, “I want to know every thought, every feeling…” A good partner not only wants you satisfied, but is turned on by your satisfaction, too. So, asking for what you want? Bingo!

  1. It gets easier the more you do it, and in time, that builds confidence.

And we all know that…



  1. Comfort and intimacy.

Let’s face it, sex can be awkward in the early days. But opening up leads to more comfort, and that comfort naturally creates a bond that you (presumably) don’t get to form many other places.

  1. Honesty is the best policy.

If it feels good, but this one little added thing would make it feel better? Saying so leads to pleasure (see #1), but that expression of truth also brings nothing but openness.

  1. Words are sexy.

I’m a writer, and an erotica writer, no less, so I’m a little biased on this one. But you have to admit, some words—uttered in just the right tone and volume—can be hot, hot, hot.



  1. It’s a great opportunity to show your desires.

As in, not all asking has to be verbal. Get creative… :)

  1. Exploration!

A major theme in The Assignment is exploration, and, whether they’re your partner’s spoken wants or yours, you’re bound to end up trying something new. Talk about a sexy adventure!


  1. Getting what you want in bed is bound to brighten your mood.

Who doesn’t love a dose of serotonin?!

  1. Finally… sex is supposed to be fun!

I’m pretty sure that’s why many of us have sex, right? Communicating what you want is a great way to add more fun things to your repertoire. Win!


What’s your favorite reason to speak your mind in bed? If you were shy or nervous at first, what inspired you to give it a whirl?


THE ASSIGNMENT by Jade A. Waters

Lessons in Control, book one

What would you do if someone offered to fulfill your wildest fantasies? 


Dean Sova is everything Maya Clery craves. From the first touch, their connection is intense. After leaving her troubled past behind, Maya thought she was happy—she is happy—but meeting Dean forces her to acknowledge dark needs she longs to explore yet has never had the courage to face.

Her perfect match, Dean encourages Maya to set loose the submissive urges inside her in a series of assignments intended to open her mind and test the limits of pleasure…but Maya isn’t sure she can fully let go of her inhibitions.

What would you do if someone offered to fulfill your wildest fantasies? 

The answer seems obvious. You take the offer and hope the price isn’t too high.

Book one of Lessons in Control 

One-click with confidence. This title is part of the Carina Press Romance Promise: all the romance you’re looking for with an HEA/HFN. It’s a promise! Find out more at CarinaPress.com/RomancePromise.

Jade A. Waters is an erotica author and poetess in California. Her short fiction is featured in anthologies from Cleis Press and Stupid Fish Productions, and she’s currently hard at work on the next two books in the Lessons in Control series—The Discipline (March ’16) and The Reward (June ’16). Visit her at https://jadeawaters.com.


One thought on “10 Reasons to Ask for What You Want in Bed”

  1. Rana Bibles says:

    amazing post love the way you explain this. great i appreciate.

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